Journal

January 12, 2026 (WARNING: Graphic descriptions of my surgical recovery, blood and shit and stuff. Don't read this one if you're squeamish or if you had some sort of delusion that this story wouldn't be nasty at some point! Sorry.)

When I woke up from the procedure, the nurse attending to me started asking me questions to get an idea of how oriented I was. Immediately I started talking to her about the bands I'm in and how much I love music. Typical!

I looked down and saw my incisions, which were 2 small ones, about half an inch apiece, on either side of my lower abdomen and a deeper incision inside of my belly button. The two side incisions were sealed with surgical glue and pasted over with bandages, which I had to change daily and could take off after 7 days. The incision in my belly button was covered by a 2x2" square of medical mesh/plastic, which I was advised not to remove for a few days as well. I remember feeling nauseous and telling the nurse, so she brought me a pack of peanut butter crackers and some water and a Percocet. The cracker was so dry, it took me several minutes to eat half of one, at which point I asked if there was something else I could eat. She brought me a cup of applesauce right away and asked me questions about who was picking me up and how I was feeling. At one point she said something funny and I laughed at it, and in the act of laughing from my belly I felt a huge gush of blood come out of me. She brought me some surgical granny panties and put a diaper-sized pad inside of it for me. I was also prescribed extra-strength Tylenol and Ibuprofen with the advice to call in for an opiate pain reliever if needed.

I was brought back to patient holding and wasn't allowed to be discharged until I successfully took a piss, just to make sure the surgeons didn't fuck up my other organs in the process of taking my tubes. I was able to walk around and dress myself after the surgery, which was a big surprise to me, but I knew my husband was waiting outside in the car for me and I needed to take this very crucial piss. Reader, the amount of blood I saw on the paper was concerning, but thankfully none of it came from my urine, which meant I was allowed to leave. Another staff member wheeled me out to my husband's car. I asked him to bring my weed vape, my childhood teddy bear, and one of the many plant-based protein shakes I picked up at the grocery store the weekend before with him. He drove me home and helped me up the stairs to our porch, where I immediately slumped onto the couch. Dan got me set up on the couch with comfy pillows and my heating pad and asked me what I wanted or needed, which is when I asked him to please make me a microwaveable mac and cheese, and I ate the whole box in 8 flat minutes. I was very surprised that my appetite was totally normal after surgery; again, I was fully expecting to have a poor appetite, but the whole recovery process my appetite was quite healthy, as well as my sleep, which is exactly what I did after eating my mac.

The next several days involved me using my arms to stand up and sit down a lot. One of the things I heard a lot in the many testimonials I watched on YouTube from people who have had a bisalp was that the gas from the laparoscopy would get trapped in your abdominal cavity and gather in your shoulders as it tried to escape. When I tell you this was the second most uncomfortable part of the recovery, please try to imagine having a burp that is stuck, and then try to imagine that the burp is stuck inside your shoulder.The first most uncomfortable part, you ask? The HORRENDOUS constipation. I was advised that there would be some constipation after due to the drugs I was given (namely, the Percocet I had in the hospital upon waking up from the procedure) and got some laxatives to help, but I was actually fighting for my fucking life in the bathroom on day 2 of healing. I couldn't push because my abdominal wall muscles had been cut, so I had to wiggle around on the toilet for an hour and a half to get my digestive system moving again. Other than this, I spent a lot of time staying hydrated and fed and relaxing on the couch watching movies. I would message Dan, who was working from home upstairs, if I needed anything, including help walking to another part of the house or up the stairs. It turns out you use your ab muscles for a lot of things. I couldn't wait until I could cough, sneeze, or laugh without worrying I was going to pop open like a can of biscuits.

Also during this time, friends would come to visit me and watch movies and stuff, which I hazily and gratefully remember, but I did fall asleep while hanging out a few times. Who could blame me? My body was repairing itself and I needed to rest. I remember eating oxtail lo mein from the soul food/American Chinese fusion restaurant and falling asleep watching The Beekeeper, and another time a good friend brought a bunch of veggies and chips and cheese and made a huge pan of nachos for us to share, another friend across the country bought me a meal on DoorDash. I also heard from lots of friends congratulating me for my decision and wishing me the best in recovering from my surgery.

To be continued...

January 8, 2026

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my bilateral salpingectomy (bisalp). I wanted to write a bit about the process and my thoughts in the year since I had my procedure.

Growing up, I never had any sort of interest in child rearing whatsoever. My mother would say "she doesn't have a nurturing bone in her body" (ouch) because I preferred to play with fashion dolls and art supplies and baby dolls never interested me. When the neighborhood kids would play House, I was the older sister, the spinster aunt, or the cat. None of my future plans at any point included birthing children. I have worked with and cared for several kids over the course of my life and never thought, aw, I could do this all the time. Parenthood is also the sort of thing that, to me, I could never be ambivalent about. If I'm not sure if I don't want a child, I shouldn't have one. And so, when I found out that there were permanent sterilization options available, I became immediately interested, but when I told "trusted adults" in my life that getting my tubes tied was something I wanted to do, they trotted out the same damn thing I'm sure tons of people who have opted for permanent sterilization have heard: "But what if you change your mind?"

I began taking oral birth control in early 2012 after entering my first "serious" relationship. That was my first big relief as I was sexually active for the two years previous, but the fear of becoming pregnant due to a failure of the birth control or the condom or both always lingered in my mind. At 26, I asked my gynecologist about "getting my tubes tied" and immediately he said he wouldn't recommend "a young healthy person" for the procedure. It was really disappointing as I had a really friendly perception of him for the prior 7 years that I had been his patient. I asked him the subsequent 3 years as well, until his retirement, when I'd have to find a new gynecologist. During this time, the Supreme Court overturned Roe as well, spurring along my need to get the process going.

As soon as I switched doctors in 2024, I was able to at least even get information on who to call and how to schedule a bisalp. The NP I spoke with was so knowledgeable and answered my questions well. In November 2024, I had my consultation with the surgeon who would be performing the procedure and I scheduled the surgery for January 7. I didn't feel safe to tell my family I was doing this, but my chosen family and my husband couldn't have been more supportive of my decision and every passing day til the surgery my resolve grew stronger that this was what I needed to do. Isn't that funny? I heard for so long that I'd change my mind. I never wavered once.

I had some preparations and sacrifices to make. I couldn't smoke for the week leading up to the surgery which was tough, especially with the New Year holiday interfering. I wasn't sure how my eating and sleeping would be affected by recovery (I totally thought it would be one or the other, if not both) so I nested a few supplies to help me during recovery, namely a heating pad and a whole bunch of dairy-free protein shakes. Microwaveable mac and cheeses from Trader Joe's. A trip to the dispensary for the day after surgery. I got my ducks in a row at work and got a plan for coverage together while I recovered (Tuesday-Friday out, next Monday-Wednesday work from home if possible) and Dan used some PTO and work from home time at work to take care of me. Though the universe somewhat conspired against me and sent a big snowstorm the day before when I had to get my preop labs drawn, I would have made it to the lab even if I had to slide on my ass on some ice all the way there. I couldn't miss this for the world!

Then, the big day came. My arrival time was an eye-watering 7:15 AM, meaning having to get up at 5:30, get dressed and get my shit together to go to the hospital, and then take the El ~20 minutes if SEPTA behaves, and having to walk through the crunchy, wet new snow to get there. I wished I could close my eyes and materialize in the waiting room, but before I knew it, we arrived and checked in. Much sooner than I thought, the concierge appeared to escort me to the surgical suite. I think he must have seen me give Dan a look like, "oh shit, I guess this is goodbye," because he instantly reassured me that I'd be taken care of and everything would be okay.

In the surgical suite, I was given a wipe to clean my whole body as well as a gown, bonnet, and grippy socks. Being me, I immediately started brainstorming what I'd like to do with the socks after I left. A nurse came to check my vitals and give me Gabapentin and an antinausea patch, and a little while later the anesthesiologist put a line in my arm. The line insertion was the only time I cried during this process, because it felt like now there was really no turning back, but after the Gaba settled in, I was sending DMs to Rudy Giuliani's official social media accounts telling him to "kiss my piss". My surgeon came over to greet me and tell me it was time to go back to the OR. They asked if I'd like a wheelchair, but I said no, I'll walk (again, this is who I am, haha.) And I did, I walked my damn self over to the OR and sat my ass on the table and that's the last thing I remember before waking up.

To be continued...

December 28, 2025

Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you are all having a nice post-celebratory garbage time til 2026. I had a very chill holiday that consisted of going to my grandparents' for brunch and then dinner with my parents at their house with Dan. If you know me, I spend very little time with my blood family for a lot of reasons and I was steeling myself to spend my time off with people who I don't like all that much, but everyone was mellow and we had a very normal time. After Christmas, I baked a pineapple upside-down cake and sliced some up to give to my BFFs as gifts. It was delicious!

This year, Dan and I only had a few gifts to exchange as we are gearing up to take our long-postponed honeymoon to southern Spain in a few months. We are very excited and I hope to share more details of our plans with you soon!